Brutal Baby Names

The last thing I want to do is judge names. What do you think about Judge Sullivan?

Actually, let’s be frank–bad names are really funny…and awesome.

And we just might pick a bad name, b*%$ches!

But as we ponder SulliName it got me thinking about some pretty unfortunate words to be listed on a social security card. Bad names don’t make people bad. Bad names don’t decrease likeability. They’re simply bad names. Period.

With that said, I’d like everyone who reads this post to reply to the post with a bad name they’ve encountered. Feel free to use an alias, er bad name, if you’d like to protect your identity. But we all know you do it.

I’ll start: Le-A. (pronounced, Le-dash-uh)

TEARS: I laughed at the following three SNL skits/digital shorts as NBC featured SNL on the 2000’s this evening. Ironically, I’d say the 2000’s struggled overall, but these portions were really funny. I will continue to say the Onion News Network is consistently funnier.

Funny #1
Funny #2
Funny #3



Filed under 26 Days of Awesome, BREAKING NEWS

7 responses to “Brutal Baby Names

  1. Marathon Man

    Opposing basketball player this season…W’Quinton. The “W” is silent as his mother wanted his name to start with a W.

  2. Sam

    The people I work with call my baby LaQuarius… Its a real name.

  3. Martin

    Emerson Icetities

  4. Syeph

    My neighbor growing up was Harry Dick.
    Beat that!

  5. Nikki

    Dyamond — and it was a boy!

    You can easily find one example each year in my class….please just make it something that the teachers can pronounce. I found out a month ago we have been calling one of my little girls the wrong name all year!!!!!

  6. Jxxx Hxxxxxxx


    I’m not sure I want to post this, but the story has to be told for parents to understand what they put the kids through. I’m going to disguise my name because it’s not something I like to advertise and have to go through the whole story again and again.

    So, if you bear with me, I’ll give you a story of a bad baby name. My name is Jxxx H. Hxxxxxx. Most people ask what the H. is for and I tell them H. I changed it when I got a social security card. I also used it when I got a job, got married, etc. In essence, I maintain a legal alias.

    I’m not ready yet to divulge, but I’ll move on. I was named after my Grandfather, who was named after his Grandfather, etc. etc.

    My mother didn’t want the name, but was in a drug haze after delivery and during the “naming” my father went ahead and did it. She got the middle name she wanted, but it was supposed to be the first name. When she found out about the name on the birth certificate, she told me she was mad. (It’s a wonder they stayed together for another 7 years after that). If my dad had his way, I would have had my Grandfather’s entire name. But I ended up with Jxxx instead of Asbury as a middle name. The first name caused problems because my mother refused to call me it, and I never responded to it, not even in school. Which was always fun when substitutes came in to class. The sub would try to pronounce it…and to say the least, it was a pain. Now, to add to the problem, my parents moved a lot because of their jobs. So we moved a lot, in fact, I went to 7 different grade schools, so this continued…year after year after year.

    When I obtained the social security card in the 7th grade, which was the start of the name change. I didn’t tell my mother I made the change until after submitted the application. I told her and my step-father that I would not go to high school with the NAME unless they changed to registration to show Jxxx. They were good with it, and it’s been that way ever since.

    When people ask me about it, I tell them “You’ve never heard it, and if I spelled it, you wouldn’t be able to pronounce it”. With some people I offer a monetary reward if they guess it. It’s never happened and I’ve never paid out. It’s a good bar bet and I make money from it. I tell them it starts with H and they get 10 guesses…then I win money. I think I’ve rambled long enough…

    The name is HALKARD. It’s pronounced HAL KURD. If my dad had his way I would have been named Halkard Asbury Hxxxxxx II (the 2nd). His family is from the south, so somewhere the surname of Halkard was bumped to the first name and it stuck.

    As I do genealogy research, I found out that my Grandfather didn’t appear to like it either and went by Hal. As I continue the research I find that his Grandfather, my Great-Great Grandfather didn’t go by the name either, he only responded to Hack. Which when my mother heard that, told me she would have gone with that also. I know it’s long winded, but I could go on and tell you the story of why my older brother is named Hugh Maximilian Hxxxxxx.

    Parents should remember, they aren’t the ones that have to live with it, the child does. Be sure to ask your dad if he likes his name before you put it ont he front of your unsuspecting child.

  7. Probably the best and worst name I have ever heard (I went to high school with her): Eden Siemen

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